News Flash - what you should not ask

There is an issue of clarification that I feel must be brought to attention. It may well be considered a personal pet-peeve, I also think there is merit to really thinking through what we ask other people, particularly women of “child-bearing age.” It boils down to two main things.

1.     Women, basically between 20 and 35, can state, “I’m not feeling well,” without automatically being pregnant. We could have eaten something, we could have a stomach sickness, we could just have constipation and prefer to not shout it to the whole world. But just because we may tell you, “Yeah, I haven’t been feeling very well,” does not give you the cue to ask the dreaded question, “Are you pregnant,” or the statement, “Maybe you are pregnant.”

In fact, we can also have hot flashes and not be pregnant. We can have crazy dreams, and not be pregnant. Our “mammaries” can ache, and not be pregnant. We can even get sick in the morning and feel better in the afternoon – and NOT be pregnant.

2.     Women can also crave certain foods and still be completely childless. No matter if we want Mexican for breakfast or ice cream at midnight – the question of pregnancy should not come up. Pregnancy is not a pre-requisite for desiring a certain food!

I’ve been in my child-bearing years for a while now, and since I have been married (the past 4 years), I have been asked whether or suggested that I was pregnant hundreds of times – I wouldn’t even doubt thousands. It. Drives. Me. Basserk. And so, I wanted to give you some practical reasons why a) it is none of your business if someone is pregnant and b) you should not ask someone if they are pregnant.

Saying, “maybe your pregnant” can be insulting. In most cases a woman knows her body and how it functions pretty well. If she was pregnant or if it was a possibility, don’t you think she would have explored that option already? She doesn’t need random outsiders to remind her that each month a very identifiable check comes around to tell her whether she is or is not pregnant.

Asking, “are you pregnant” can be hurtful. You are not inside this woman’s brain and you may not know that she wants to be pregnant so bad, but it just isn’t happening. Asking her can remind her of that fact and make a simple comment become painful.

Being asked if you are pregnant can be annoying. Really? Why does every conversation have to revolve around pregnancy? Especially to the woman who really wants children right now, it would be great to be cared for as a woman and friend, and not just seem like everyone is waiting for you to have children before they can have a real relationship with you.

And, asking, “Are you pregnant” can simply cause someone to lie. So maybe I am pregnant, but I’m not ready for the whole world to know. Don’t make me have to lie to you and then come back and ask forgiveness later. Don’t put me in a hard place where I choose to sin or tell news that I am waiting to share.

You know what? If a friend says she isn't feeling well, why don't you ask her if there is a way you can make her day easier? Take her a cup of tea, or even a meal! Rarely do we get asked something like that. Usually we get asked if we are pregnant, or if "so-and-so" is pregnant. I know pregnancy seems like fun, light-hearted inquiry at times, but I just don't believe it is appropriate or the loving response we could have.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this!