I was in the grocery store today, next to the meat department and I looked down at the baby in the car seat, sleeping away despite the very noisy store, and I realized, like it was something new, that she was mine. There are random moments when this happens, even 20 weeks in. I look at my daughter and think, "Wait, this is MY daughter." It still shocks me sometimes that I am a mom. And the mom of the cutest baby there ever was!
I'm not sure when that will stop surprising me, but I kind of hope that it doesn't. It makes me stop and be thankful for her. It makes me pause to remember that just a little while ago, we weren't even sure if I would ever bring a child to full term. So, my heart overflows with great thankfulness to the Lord that I can look at my little sidekick and be shocked that I am a mom. Because she is a picture of grace in my life - I knew I didn't deserve to be a mom, but graciously, God gave her to us.
Some days it is easy for us to despair. Our future is uncertain, our goals are constantly crumbling and we don't even know what plans we should make because they always seems to fall apart. Hubs and I have never been through a life situation that has lasted so long or worn us down so much. We are constantly renewing our mind in God's word and spurring each other on to trust the Lord, to pray and to press on. But to be honest, when I let my mind dwell on the situation too long, I become depressed and listless.
The Lord must have known that we would need our daughter to be a bright spot in our life. To remind us that He hears and answers prayers and that He loves us and has not forgotten us. With each smile, laugh, squeal and, even every cry, we can be thankful that we are parents. And we can see God's grace.
We didn't even know what her name meant when we picked it, but her full name means "God hears" and "God is gracious." Such a perfect fit.